It's interesting how people rarely complain when your lack of boundaries benefits them. When you're always available. When you say yes. When you pick up the slack. When you make exceptions. When you give more than you have. When you keep accommodating things that inconvenience you because you don't want to disappoint anyone.
Nobody seems to have a problem with that version of you.
Until you change.
Until you start saying "no".
Until you decide that something no longer works for you. Until you stop explaining yourself. Until you realize that you actually have a LIMIT and you most certainly are able to honor that.
Suddenly, boundaries turn into, "difficult", "selfish", "mean" and "you're making things harder than they need to be". TUH!
I think one of the hardest parts about setting boundaries is realizing that some people were perfectly comfortable with you not having any (oopp, did I say that out loud?)
They were comfortable with your availability. Your flexibility. Your willingness to help. Your ability to absorb inconvenience without saying much about it.
While there is nothing wrong with being generous, helping people or being someone others can count on, the problem begins when you start believing that being a good person requires you to constantly override yourself.
Boundaries are to let you know that I no longer have the capacity for this anymore and that is more than enough.
My advice: Do not let anyone deplete you before you are allowed to say no. You do not have to reach a breaking point before you're allowed to change how you show up. You don't have to justify every decision with a five-paragraph essay explaining why you no longer are willing to do something that has been draining you.
When people have gotten used to having unlimited access to you, a boundary often feels like rejection. But a boundary isn't necessarily about pushing someone away. Its about deciding what access looks like going forward. This is something we do not speak up about enough.
YOU ARE ALLOWED TO DO THINGS DIFFERENTLY THAN YOU'VE DONE THEM BEFORE!
It doesn't make you difficult, it means you care about yourself.
As I am going through this thing called life, I'm learning that protecting my peace doesn't require me to feel guilty about someone else's disappointment. Sometimes the most audacious thing you can do is stop abandoning yourself just to keep everyone else comfortable.
Respectfully, my "no" is allowed to exist.
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