Have you ever had a conversation with someone and walked away wondering if the two of you were even participating in the same discussion? Because how did what I said turn into what you heard? And where exactly did you get all that extra information?
Being misunderstood is an interesting experience (at least for me), especially when it comes from people who have known you for years. You would think familiarity would make understanding easier, but sometimes it does the exact opposite. People become so accustomed to a particular version of you that they struggle to recognize anything outside of it.
And that's where things get complicated.
As we get older, we evolve. At least, I would hope so. The opinions we had at 22 might not be the ones we still hold at 35. Our priorities shift, our boundaries become clearer, and some of the things we once thought we wanted don't even appeal to us anymore. That's not being inconsistent. That's what happens when life gives you a little experience and you actually do something with it.
But while we're busy growing, not everyone is updating their perception of us.
Some people will continue to reference decisions you made ten years ago as if you haven't learned a single thing since. Others will interpret your choices through their own beliefs, expectations, and experiences. Before you know it, you're defending a position you never even took (this happens to me ALL THE TIME...full blown debates).
Don't get me wrong. Being misunderstood doesn't automatically make us right. Sometimes we communicate poorly (which is why I prefer writing my thoughts instead of making videos). Sometimes our tone and delivery could use a little help. Growth may require us to recognize that we don't have everything figured out. In my opinion, I would be a little concerned about anyone who believes they've reached their final form or version of themselves. As long as we're alive, we're still learning and evolving.
But sometimes, even after we've done that, we keep explaining ourselves, clarifying our intentions, and providing examples in hopes that someone will finally say, "Oh, now I understand." Meanwhile, our mood changes, the conversation is going nowhere, and we're STILL being told what we really meant. (annoying af).
So how do we move past that frustration?
For me, I have become comfortable with the idea that understanding isn't always going to be mutual (and that is okay). Honestly, save yourself the headache once you come to this realization. Two people can have the same conversation and still walk away with two different perspectives and interpretations (and that is okayyyy), as long as we remain open to understanding each other and respectful of each other's personal choices and thoughts.
Part of growth is knowing when a conversation deserves more explanation and when it's time to leave it alone. The goal is never to become someone nobody can question. It's to become someone who can listen, reflect and still trust herself enough to keep moving forward. Not every misunderstanding is a problem that needs to be solved, and unfortunately, I have had to learn this the hard way.
Not everyone is going to understand the person you're becoming. Just make sure you're not so busy trying to prove them wrong that you forget to enjoy becoming her.
And as always...proceed with audacity.
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