I've been thinking a lot about my career lately, and if I'm being completely honest, it's a conversation Ive probably been avoiding for a while. Not because I hate my job, I don't. Not because I'm planning to walk into work tomorrow and hand in my resignation, I'm not. I've learned more about myself through my career than I probably realized while I was living it.
But I am entering my 10th year at both of my jobs. There is something about saying that out loud that makes me pause. Ten years is a longggg ass time to spend in any one place, especially when you're approaching 40 (yikes) and starting to think less about what you're capable of doing and more about what you actually want the next chapter of your life to look like.
I think that's the part I've been trying to understand.
For a long time, I thought career growth meant becoming better at the thing I had already chosen. You go to school, get the job and gain the experience, become more established, and eventually you're supposed to arrive at some point where you feel like, okay, I figured it out.
But the older I become, the less I believe that life works that way.
Sometimes growth means getting better at what you do. Sometimes it means realizing that you have more to offer than the role you've become really good at. And lately, I've been thinking about all of the different parts of myself that exist outside of my professional title.
I AM A CREATIVE AT HEART.
Ive always been one, even when I didn't necessarily call myself that. I love hair. I love fashion. I love traveling and finding beautiful places and experiences. I love writing. I love creating things with my hands. I love coming up with ideas, building things, figuring out how to make something feel like me. I can get completely consumed by an idea when I'm excited about it.
For years, I think I viewed those parts of myself as interests and hobbies and they are. But lately, I've been wondering whether they're actually something more fundamental than that.
Maybe creativity isn't just something I like to do when I have free time. Maybe it's part of how I'm meant to contribute.
And that realization has made me think differently about what I want from work. I still want to help people. That part of me hasn't changed. I still want to be a resource. I still want to be someone people can come to when they need guidance, encouragement, information, or simply someone who understands. I still want the work I do to have an impact beyond myself. (Honestly, if I could do it all over again, I probably would have been a therapist myself)
There is comfort in being good at something. There is comfort in knowing your role, knowing your responsibilities and what to expect. But there is also something uncomfortable about realizing that being good at something doesn't automatically mean you have to do the same thing forever.
I think that's where I am right now.
I am not running away from anything. I am still on this quest and as I stated previously, this is real time journaling (scary).
When you are younger, changing directions can feel like an adventure. You feel like you have time to switch paths if you try something and realize it isn't for you. However, as you get older, the decisions can feel heavier. There are bills, responsibilities, expectations, years of experience, and that little voice that asks whether you're really willing to start over when you've already worked so hard to get to where you are.
Taking risks, and betting on yourself is the scary part that people don't often talk about. Shouldn't I know what I want by now? Is it too late for me to pivot? But on the other side of those questions are, "What if I don't take the risk?". What if the next ten years simply become another version of the last ten because I was too afraid to explore what else I could become?
I don't have it figured out, I damn sure do not have answers, but I think that says a lot to admit that openly. Sometimes you just have to pay attention. And trust me when I tell you, Ive been paying attention.
Women, especially in your late 30s are expected to have it all figured out. By this age, we're expected to know our careers, our relationships, our finances and who we are. But what if the woman you were at 27 doesn't have to make every decision for the woman you are becoming at 37?
But what if changing your mind isn't necessarily a failure?
What if wanting something different isn't ingratitude?
What if the career pivot isn't proof that the first chapter went wrong, BUT evidence that you grew enough to imagine another one? (I think this is where I am too...who knows)
I don't know exactly what the next ten years of my career will look like.
But for the women who are in your 30s looking at change as a failure or that you missed your window, try not to look at it from a place of starting over. Because maybe we're simply starting from everything we've learned. And that's a powerful place to begin.
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