In my 20s and even into my 30s, I felt like almost every invitation deserved me saying yes to. It didn't matter if I had 3 events in one weekend or if I was tired or not even feeling my best. I really tried to be at all my friends and family gatherings or hanging out despite not always feeling up to it.
From seeing friends on an individual basis and being invited to dinner, I should go.
Birthdays, of course I'm going. We take our birthdays pretty serious in my friend group.
Happy Hours, hang outs, linking with friends I haven't seen in a while, I should go though. Right?
Just making the time and effort to be there for everyone because you want to of course, but you also love to celebrate your friends and families and make memories.
At times, did I always feel like going? No.
Sometimes it was just a long week at work and I was exhausted.
Sometimes I'm spending money Friday, Saturday and Sunday.....and I still went.
Sometimes, I just wanted to stay home and chill, but a lot of times I went anyway.
I thought saying no meant I was disappointing others. So I stretched myself thin trying to be dependable, available, supportive, fun and present....all the time. Now, I love showing up, please don't get me wrong. But there is also a point where we have to check ourselves and realize we are literally burning ourselves into exhaustion and still have to show up fully for work after a long weekend. Something shifted.
I think there comes a time when you are an adult and you just have to start putting yourself first. You don't owe everyone access to your time, energy or presence just because they ask. Sometimes, you are going to have to say no. Not because you want to, but because you literally have to.
Today, if I don't want to do something, I simply say "no."
Whether I just need to rest, don't feel like spending money or I'm burned out from the long work week, the answer is just no.
That's a good lesson to learn as an adult: No is a complete sentence.
No excuses, no convincing and no talking me into anything. No.
Once you prioritize your boundaries for your friends and family, they will respect your decisions. Again, self preservation. As I've gotten older, I also came to a realization that saying yes to everything often means saying no to yourself. No to rest. No to peace. No to quiet. No to your own needs.
My mom would always tell me especially if I said I was tired, that I needed to say no more often and at the time, I thought she was being the fun police, but now in my 30s, I completely understand where she was coming from.
Adulthood isn't about abandoning yourself to make everyone comfortable. Don't feel guilty, you have to put yourself first. So, please takeaway from this...that if your friend or family member declines an invitation, it is okay and not the end of the world. It's not always because they don't want to show up for you, they're not upset and it's not always personal. Instead of thinking they just don't want to attend an event, try to consider if they have other things going on. Maybe they're tired, maybe they're dealing with things they aren't ready to share. No is a complete sentence and we have to respect people for it. Not trying to sway their decision or make someone feel bad for it, no means no.
And that should be enough.
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