Coworkers are NOT your Friends: CAP

One thing the internet is going to do is repeat the same phrases over and over until people start treating them like facts. One of the biggest ones I hear constantly?

"Coworkers are not your friends."

I call CAP! (as the young people would say lol)

Now, before everybody starts yelling about professionalism, boundaries, and workplace drama....yes, I understand all of that. Not every coworker is your friend (blah blah blah). Some people should absolutely remain just coworkers and associates.  Some people gossip. Some people are messy. Some people are just not good people. Some people move funny. Some work environments are just toxic. On the other side of that, your workplace CAN create some of the strongest connections. 

But the idea that meaningful friendships can't come from work? I completely disagree.

I also can understand where that statement can stem from. It stems from peoples' personal experiences. Not every coworker is a safe space, not every bond is equal and not every relationship in a professional environment is meant to leave that environment unchanged. 

That's where your discernment comes into play.

It's not that coworkers can't be your friends. It's that not every coworker deserves access to you on that level. 

There's a difference between enjoying someone's company and giving them specific details about your life, being vulnerable and trusting individuals that may have not earned that. You can like people, support people, and even care about people while still understanding that the workplace has its own boundaries and dynamics. 

Many of us spend more time with our coworkers than we do with our own families, friends and even spouses during the week (35+hrs is a lot of time!). We see these people every single day. We experience stress together, difficult seasons together, and sometimes even life changing moments together. 

There are coworkers who have seen me cry behind closed doors (and I am NOT a crier), made me laugh until my stomach hurt during lunches, survived toxic management together (workplace drama), navigated breakups and/or dating life, celebrated accomplishments and even mourned losses. There are coworkers who have seen me in many different seasons, supporting me, helping me when I'm not feeling my best and even stepping up for me in difficult times. 

That kind of shared experience creates connection.

There are things some coworkers know about you that people outside of work don't even know. They see versions of you your close friends and family may never fully see....exhausted you, overwhelmed you, frustrated you, working you, proud you, burned out you, growing you, happy you, sad you, excited you, depressed you.

And sometimes those people become real friends.

Not just "facebook friend" friends.

Not "work bestie for convenience" friends.

Some of the most incredible women I've met in my adult life started as coworkers. Women who checked on me outside of work when they saw I was having a bad day. Women who celebrated me. Women who gave me advice, gave me support, encouragement, laughter, honesty, and sisterhood during different seasons of my life.

Friendships that extended beyond the building, beyond the school day, beyond the office.  Beyond the job itself.

And I think people underestimate how hard adult friendship actually is. Once high school ends, friendships don't always happen naturally. Everyone is busy. Everyone is working. Everyone is tired. Everyone is creating their own families and lives.

Work becomes one of the few places where people consistently spend time together long enough to truly know one another.

Does that mean trust everybody at work?

Absolutely not!

Still have boundaries.

Still practice discernment.

Obviously, still remain professional.

But I think we've gone so far into  distrust that people now act like genuine connections in the workplace is impossible and that just hasn't been my experience. 

Some coworkers are simply coworkers.

But some?

Some become part of your life story.

They become extended family.

And that's not something I'm going to downplay just because the internet says, "coworkers are not your friends."

To the connections I've made over the years in the workplace, thank you! Some of you I've known for over a decade. Please know that I'm always rooting for you in your life and endeavors. Even if we do not always talk or see each other, these women have been with me through some of the most pivotal times in my life and for that, I THANK YOU.