Growing up, my mom always told me how moody I was around my menstrual cycle.
I thought maybe I was overly emotional, irritable, sensitive, or just struggling with hormones like many women do. Every month, there were shifts in my mood, my energy and the way I responded to everyone around me. I never really thought anything was abnormal or that there could be something deeper going on. About 2 years ago, I discovered, what I was actually experiencing was a mood disorder called: Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder.
Learning about PMDD changed the way I viewed myself and my experiences. It helped me realize that what I was dealing with was not just "PMS". It was something that was affecting my emotional well-being, my peace, and even close relationships.
One of the hardest parts about PMDD is that sometimes you do not even realize how deeply it is impacting you until you begin paying attention to patterns within your body and mind. One thing I noticed was how often my mom would remind me that I was "getting my period". So clearly, my actions and behaviors were more than just a little moodiness. I didn't realize that it was so noticeable and when I felt like I was about to have my menstrual, usually I would retreat and isolate. I never wanted to feel like a burden or to put my moodiness or emotions on anyone else, especially my family.
There were moments where I didn't feel like myself. I was overwhelmed easily, anxious, emotionally exhausted, and wanted to retreat from everything and everyone around me (in which I did). One thing I will say is that I did a pretty good job with masking at work, I always tried to remain calm and my usual happy self. But at home? Different story.
For a long time, I normalized those feelings.
But I have come to terms that just because something is routine, does not mean it is healthy or that something else isn't going on.
Over the past year, I've been learning how to manage my PMDD in ways that help me feel safer and more grounded with myself. Therapy has helped me better understand my triggers and emotions. When I am having emotions, I am also utilizing my learned coping strategies. Medication has been a tool that has supported me on this journey. I've also had to become more intentional about creating safe spaces for myself.
Creating Self Care Sundays has helped me a lot. This is an intentional time for me to do what I need and want to do for myself to prepare for my week. There are no expectations for me from anyone else because I have set boundaries in place for myself and those around me. I need this time to rejuvenate, to organize my thoughts, get myself together and just have "me time".
Im still learning, but one thing I know for sure is this...women should not feel ashamed for seeking help.
If you notice drastic shifts in your emotions around your cycle, if you feel like you are in constant battle every month or if you feel emotionally disconnected from who you truly are, please do not ignore it. Talk to someone. Pay attention to your body.
I'm feeling better than ever, because I decided to seek help and support. I don't want other women to ignore changes and signs within yourself. We are changing as we get older and it is okay to want to feel comfortable within yourself.
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