There was a time when being single was treated and looked at as a problem to solve. As if a woman without a partner must be lonely, incomplete, or waiting for real life to begin.
I'm not a believer in that.
Singleness does not automatically equal loneliness, and partnership does not automatically equal fulfillment. Let's be honest, you can be in a full-blown marriage, lying next to someone every night, and still feel emotionally abandoned. You can have a boyfriend, a situationship, a long-term partner, and still feel alone. (When you have been single for so long, you observe a lot)
So no, being chosen is not the prize to me, but being aligned is.
As a single (for a while) woman, I've heard it all.
"No one wants to be alone" .....(Idk why... but this one really grinds my gears).
"You'll find someone when you least expect it" (UGHHH this one too)
Or just the simple fact that people assume that finding a partner is some life mission for everyone to accomplish (again checking societal boxes). What people often fail to understand is that being single in a healthy season of your life can feel peaceful and freeing.
I'm not a woman that can force any type of connection (my RBF wouldn't allow me to anyways) or keeping people around just to say I have someone.
My time is expensive. My energy is expensive. MY PEACE IS EXPENSIVE (add tax..Amen).
Why spend my time on connections that are draining, distracting or leaving me feeling empty?
I am all about protecting my peace than to perform to please the masses.
I am beautiful, fun, funny, adventurous and I do get approached, I get asked on dates. The opportunities are there. However, I think sometimes people assume that because you are a single woman in your 30s, everyone has a shot. And that is just not true.
When you know your worth, you stop treating every invitation like destiny. You stop assuming availability is enough. You stop saying yes just because you can. Not because I think I am better than anyone, but because you simply just do not want to waste your time, peace and energy. Sometimes, being alone is enough in itself. Just because someone thinks you are attractive, doesn't mean you owe them anything. Just because someone asks you on a date and you are single, doesn't mean you have to say yes or even that you should.
To me, the right connection will just feel right, it will feel safe and not forced or draining. I need reciprocity, excitement, adventure( must be passport ready) and someone who has also taken the time to learn themselves in ways most people do not take the time to do nowadays.
To the woman who is in her single season right now:
This time in your life right now is not a punishment. It is opportunity.
Use this time to pour into yourself. Feel beautiful for yourself. Take care of your body, heal what you need to heal. Go to therapy. Build your confidence and create the life you love waking up to. Learn yourself so deeply that no relationship can make you abandon who you are.
Enjoy the quiet time and freedom. Enjoy the ability to move through life with space to think (THINK BIG..).
You never know, one day if the right partner enters your life, your time will be shared in new ways. If you choose marriage or a family, life may become fuller, busier, and very different.
And in those moments, you may look back and remember the days when you could move at your own pace, stop and smell the roses and focus on yourself.
Don't rush through this chapter trying to escape it.
One day your life may change. Honor the freedom you have today.
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