The Fear of Visibility

Starting this blog actually came from a fear of making videos.

While I was in therapy, my therapist would constantly encourage me to hit record and just post. Don't overthink it. Don't watch the video ten times. Don't analyze every word.

Just post it.

She would tell me, "You have a story to tell and words to share that can help so many women."

Not because I wanted to be an influencer. Not because I wanted to go viral (which honestly sounds terrifying in its own way). But because I have thoughts, experiences, and perspectives that might resonate with women who are younger than me, my age, or simply navigating a different season of life.

Yet every time I thought about posting a video, fear would immediately set in.

What if nobody watches?

What if nobody cares?

What if I put myself out there and nothing happens?

What if people are only being nosey?

The truth is, I was afraid of making video content.

As much as I can talk in person (and trust me, I can talk), recording a video and actually posting it felt completely different.

I realized that what I was really afraid of wasn't the video itself.

I was afraid of being seen.

I was afraid of being vulnerable.

I was afraid of talking openly about topics like dating, relationships, not having children, personal growth, and the questions people ask me all the time.

I was afraid of putting my thoughts, ideas, and future business ventures out into the world and being met with nothing but silence.

And I know I'm not alone.

So many women are carrying dreams, ideas, projects, and passions that never make it into the world because they're afraid of being visible.

We convince ourselves that we need a better plan.

More followers.

More experience.

A bigger audience.

But what I've realized is that many of us aren't lacking preparation, we're just battling fear.

Fear of judgment.

Fear of rejection.

Fear of failure.

Fear of being criticized.

Fear that nobody will pay attention.

And sometimes those fears are enough to make us quietly place our dreams on hold.

The funny thing is, this isn't my first time being in a creative space.

Creating has always been and will always be a part of who I am.

Years ago, I started a small metaphysical Etsy shop called, TheJoiKaiShop, where I made and sold candles, lip balms, crystals, made crystal bracelets, and other products. I even had a blog called The Spiritual Hippie where I detailed my spiritual growth and journey.

Looking back, that season was exciting, creative, and deeply aligned with who I was at the time.

I loved creating products. I loved connecting with customers.I loved posting on my instagram and even doing my own photoshoots.  I loved building something that was mine.

But running a small  business wasn't easy. Purchasing supplies, making products, buying inventory, and hoping everything sold... quickly became expensive and time consuming. If products weren't moving, money wasn't coming in and actually being lost.

Eventually, I made the difficult decision to close that chapter.

At the time, it felt like the end of something.

Now I realize it was just preparation.

Those experiences taught me how to create on a different level.

Showed me a small part of the business side too.

How to share my ideas.

How to take something that only existed in my mind and bring it into the world.

And now, at 37, I find myself entering another season of growth (very exciting btw).

A season where I get to be creative again.

A season where I get to share my thoughts, experiences, lessons, and perspectives.

But this time feels different.

This time isn't about creating products (Although, check out The Audacity of Growth Tote and The Audacity of Growth Travel Journal...linked below :).

It's about creating conversations.

It's about allowing myself to be seen.

Do I still have fears about starting something new?

Absolutely.

I still wonder if anyone will read my posts.

I still wonder if anyone will care.

I still wonder if anyone will purchase my products.

I still wonder if this blog will have the impact I hope it has.

But I've realized something important:

The goal isn't to eliminate fear.

The goal is to move forward anyway.

Even if only a handful of people read my posts.

Even if only a few people watch my videos.

Even if growth happens slower than I hoped.

This season is about pushing through discomfort.

It's about choosing visibility over perfection.

For me, pushing through the fear of visibility looks like:

Starting my blog.

Publishing my posts.

Staying consistent.

Talking to strangers about my work.

Putting myself on different platforms.

Soliciting feedback from family and friends.

Sharing my experiences honestly.

Launching ideas before everything is perfect.

Having the audacity to do it anyway.

Because the truth is, someone will always have an opinion.

Someone may judge.

Someone may not understand.

Someone may not like what I have to say.

And that's okay.

This space isn't for everyone.

It's for the woman who's choosing to live on her own terms and without permission.

The woman who's starting over.

The woman who's questioning what's next.

The woman who's unlearning.

The woman who's tired of shrinking herself to make other people comfortable.

Most importantly, it's for the woman who needs to know she's not alone.

So instead of waiting until I've reached some final destination, I've decided to invite you along for the journey.

The wins.

The lessons.

The pivots.

The mistakes.

The breakthroughs.

The growth.

Because this isn't a blog about having all the answers.

It's a blog about having the audacity to keep growing anyway.

No matter who is watching.

I am just a woman who has vision for herself and this time, I'm not stopping until I make it come to life.

**If there's something you've been putting off because you're afraid of being seen, consider this your sign. The women you admire aren't fearless. They simply decided that their dreams were more important than their fear. Proceed with audacity.**