My weight has fluctuated more times than I can count.
In high school, I was about 150 lbs. Then late 20s during a relationship, I got to 195lbs (damn!). Then back down to 165lbs after the relationship ended (go figure). Then somehow back up to 195lbs again. Somewhere in between those years, my weight continued to fluctuate. Now I'm sitting at around 180lbs and 5'9 (body tea).
I used to obsess over numbers and how much the scale said. It was almost like a game of "how much can I lose this week". When I was "skinny" I felt good, I felt motivated, I felt confident. When I started gaining weight, I wouldn't mind (at first) because I have curves and for some reason, weight grows on me in all the right places (if you know what I mean). But then I would fall in an emotional cycle of feeling bad about myself, I couldn't fit my clothes, hoodies that were supposed to be 'oversized" just started to fit a little too snug for me. I hated my naked body and the way my underwear started to give me a muffin top (I was over it). This led me to become motivated just enough to lose the weight again.
It was an emotional cycle.
But the older I get, the more I realize something important about being a woman in your 30s:
Your body changes...your priorities changes and mental health matters (PMDD girlie).
Your metabolism isn't what it was when you were 23 and able to eat whatever you wanted without much thought or consequences (at least for me anyways). Suddenly, the things that didn't "count" before started showing up on the scale, slowly. Snacking. Portion sizes. Eating out of boredom. Munchies. My physical activity would slow down. And due to being a Type C personality, I would become super motivated for months at a time, then (I realized when I had bouts of sadness) would not smell the gym for weeks and or months.
Again, an emotional cycle.
I've tried it all: Keto, Counting Calories, carnivore diet, fasting, OMAD, low carb, ballerina tea (iykyk), gym and walking (which I still do, we call those Hot Girl Walks). I want to point out, all of these diets DO WORK (due to extreme restrictions) but, it is just really hard to be consistent FOREVER. Once you change any of these trendy diets, the weight almost ALWAYS comes back plus more.
It's been an uphill battle. But lately, I've been approaching this time a little differently.
Instead of obsessing over losing weight, I've been focusing on changing small habits.
Nothing extreme. Just small shifts.
Right now, my meals are pretty simple during the week, foods like sweet potatoes and ground beef, beef and broccoli, mainly a veggie and a protein on most days. I'm paying more attention to what I'm actually eating and how much of it I'm consuming. When I go out to eat, I am choosing to take home some of my meal to help with portion control instead of eating the whole thing in one sitting. I'm also reminding myself that movement matters, even if it's not the gym 5X a week (again, small changes).
The funny thing is, I've been losing weight effortlessly without the stress and obsession (15lbs down...go me!).
I realized that I can't deprive myself of all the things that I enjoy, but with portion control, discipline and better habits (and cheat meals), I can have a healthy balance and still reap the benefits of a healthier, smaller body.
It's not about rushing the process, but listening to your body, moving your body, drinking the water and minding your business.
I'm focused on building healthy routines that actually support me and my goals.
And if the weight continues to come down, that's just the bonus.
My body may fluctuate, but my commitment to taking care of myself doesn't (still a work in progress).
I'm learning that the real glow up in your 30s isn't just about losing the 30lbs but losing the pressure to look like a version of us that no longer exists.
*I have included pictures of my weight fluctuation over the years. You'll see me in a bigger body, then a much smaller one and bigger again. The last picture is me currently*
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